Mama Told me There'd Be Posts like This
It was Friday, August 11, 2023
I applied for a scholarship to Martha Becks Wayfinder Training program.
no.
A friendly, encouraging, "We-hope-you-still-like-us-and-consider-paying-full-price for our Wayfinder Training Program," But no.
Enter the Niagra-falls-like ambush of rejections and insults.
The book. I received a rejection letter from a book. It is one of those where a whole bunch of people put in a chapter on a topic and publish it together. I thought I was above all that since I have done books alone, but my friend made it seem like she was looking for someone. So, I put something together that I thought was very good.
It said it does not fit our requirements; we don't WANT to reject you…. But we have these updates we'd like you to do.
Sigh. Apparently I am not above all that.
Hawking the Instructional Design Services. Then, some old colleagues created a website to sell our course-building services. We got some feedback from a pillar in the field. She said the site was good but wanted a more sales-like into. Like why would someone want to stop looking and use this company? I was so excited! This is a job for ME!
As the self-appointed resident creative, I worked very hard on this. I took each service, added a quote introducing the idea, and spelled out why this team would rock it. Next, with my souped-up version of Canva, I created a beautiful set of custom pictures. I worked on this for hours. I sent it on, and I asked for feedback. I watched the site for days, excited to see my work on our site.
Nothing.
No, that is not true. Worse than nothing. It looks like phoned in Clip Art crap. Crappier than crap introduction directly from AI. No quotes, no intro, no pictures. Not only did you not use my work, but you thought THAT was better. Fucking Fuck!
That hurt. I can't explain any better than that.
Oh. Then! My massive email campaign; I have a marketing job. We are doing a gigantic referral program. I wrote up many emails and set up meetings to update and send. I had a lot of help figuring it out (which will be important later.) When I returned to send out the second round of emails, I found that too many bounced, and the software froze. I dealt with pithy emails from the email software people stating that I made a mistake.
I was never finding a job again. I think the professionals call this spiraling.
I was almost dizzy from the thoughts swirling around in my head. Here is a snippet.
It is a real possibility that I may never get another job in my field. I am terrified. I can't do anything right, and I bomb everything. I have no one to talk to about this. I am afraid to speak to anyone about this. People are looking for work armed with new tools every day that use AI to create completed courses with the push of a button.
I'm sure you have experienced similar. They say it's not what happens but how you deal with it.
How I Dealt With it
Monday, August 14, 2023
Well, I had to do a lot of faking. I had an unusual number of visits with friends last week. (The usual amount is zero) I was not ready to talk about it. So, I kept the conversation positive and, more importantly, away from myself.
Digression One: I remember being at my first job out of college. A friend passed away, and I was a massive mess at work. My boss was kind. But she told me that eventually, I would have to create an emotional back burner for myself. Life would not always be easy, but you needed to show up and get stuff done. Society now frowns on that; we are all about feeling our feelings. But I am glad to have that skill. I can decide when I am going to have my moments. Well, you know, mostly.
When I could. I wallowed. I was scared. Did I make every wrong choice? Did I get taken in by all the self-help authors out there promising a better life?
Digression Two: The first internet boom happened when I left college. They were creating a massive demand for HTML programmers. I knew a guy that had a limo take him to work. On the company dime! I saw the looks of concern on the older people's faces. This can't last, they said, and we young people were like, sorry, we are in charge now! We form multimillion-dollar companies at Starbucks on the back of a Napkin! (sound familiar? Yeah, we call that history repeating itself.) Corporations figured out we could ship those jobs overseas, and that particular balloon popped. Some of those people never worked full-time again. They could not lower themselves to any other kind of work. I paid attention; I call it the good job curse. And it is real.
The book. This happened kind of mid-onslaught of rejection. I only got as far as them saying: "As promised, when we think the story would benefit from a few changes, instead of just sending a standard rejection letter (ack!), we share specific and concrete ideas to help the story fit into the needs of the publication."
I decided to open the letter at least and see what was wanted. I liked the feedback! It was kind, funny, and, most importantly, 100% right. So, I wrote back and said exactly that. I have a new deadline for when to get my changes in. I laugh at myself as I write this; one of their comments was that I spend too much time in the intro phase, which is precisely what I am doing now.
Hawking the Instructional Design Services. This is the way it is with this person and in this business. Everyone is different when it comes to designing. It's going to happen. I must learn to do my best work and let the deciders decide. I know it's good, and that's what matters.
Never finding a job again. Although this was the most scary, it didn't last. Am I never, ever in my life going to get a job again? I would jinx myself to say it's impossible, but it isn't certain. (Sorry for the bragging; I am working on putting my honest feelings "out there.") I am a brilliant and creative hard worker who will find someone who needs that. I planned my LoraTastic Sabbatical and Retraining Extravaganza for all eventualities, and the two most important were side jobs and savings. I have both.
For all you new sabbiticallers. (A word I made up) Be ready for these feelings and have your counterarguments ready. Here are mine.
I will never succumb to spiraling. At 58, I am just starting my career. If I get a job and I don't like it, I keep looking. I never stop my pursuit of a happy life. Keeping open, I found so many things that I love. I am still in good shape (money and career-wise) and will be for a long time.
Oh, massive email campaign. Again, I blame others. (HAAA!) It was my first one, so I insisted we have a software rep there when I sent it. She knew this client well and knew he had not sent anything in a while, so that the emails may be outdated. Further, I'm glad someone somewhere is holding email marketing people accountable for spam and such. I have figured out my part of the process and will tag the bad ones, yadda yadda. Nothing major.
And she lived happily ever after!
Here I am on Tuesday, looking back at what I was so upset about. I'm so glad to tell my story. Writing for you all really helped; thank you!
