No shoelaces

I wrote this article a couple of years ago, but I am adding it here because it is hilarious.

I have always wanted a messenger bag. I find it enjoyable to browse through different options. However, my ultimate goal was to find the perfect messenger bag. I've learned from experience to be cautious and selective so I don't end up with a collection of almost-perfect messenger bags cluttering up my space -  not cool.

I then found it on a local swap-o-rama-type page on Facebook. The melding of all things me! Black to go with everything. The perfect size for either computer. A peace sign embroidered with wings. And, OH MY GOODNESS, the cherry of cherries on top is from one of my favorite places, Starved Rock! It was offered by a woman living in the next town for $10!  Did you hear me? I said $10!

But then a phone call took my attention away from my eWindow shopping. (a word I made up) No problem. I'll come back to it. About a week went by. The messenger bag called to me; I couldn't forget about it. I should explain, as time goes on, items move lower on the marketplace page. I thought I could scroll down. How hard could it be? (add your narrator's voice here, "Very hard"). I looked for days! Every time I had a chance. Making myself dizzy, scrolling and scrolling. No other bag would ever do! It had to be MY black, perfect size, peace sign with wings bag from Starved Rock. The bag called out to me!

"I'm here! I am your perfect messenger bag! Don't leave me!"

"I'll find you, perfect messenger bag! Do not fear," I replied, hopefully, not out loud.

Alas, all was lost. But then, I had an idea. About a week ago, without telling anyone. I quietly planned a trip to Starved Rock. I was going to consider it an expensive lesson. I will pay my idiot tax and buy my bag from the gift shop.  I made a beeline for the gift shop, but unfortunately, it was closing. I scanned the area for any interesting items. Eventually, I stumbled upon a selection of low-quality nylon bags held together with a large shoelace. Yuck.

Back home. "One more look." I lied to no one in particular. "I promise to only look for 5 minutes; then I will get something done." Twenty minutes later, a button caught my eye. A search button! Could it be? YES! You can search the page. (Stop your eye-rolling; this was a while ago.)  

One nanosecond later, there it was. My dream messenger bag. I commented on the post, trying hard not to sound like a crazy person. I could pick up the bag today! Flinging my computer out of my way,  My hair—flying, and my heart racing. I will not be thwarted!  I rushed to put on some clothes. I typed the address into Google. My bag is .7 miles away!  

I am happy to report my life is complete! I give you, dear reader, my perfect messenger bag.